Let’s cut back to 2005. You walked down the hallways of our school with an untouchable swagg. I was so elated when I found out that we had classes together. We talked occasionally. Mostly about our exceptional taste in music. I found myself falling harder and harder for you each day.  I can still recall you complimenting me on my piercing and hair and how awesome you thought they where.  I remember the day I got my glasses, and you complimented me and told me how cute I looked in them. You then turned to Anthony and told him to tell me I looked good in my glasses, and so he did. You made me want to burst from the feeling that you gave me.
    I remember you being such a smart ass in English, and the teacher would always tell you to go to the hallway, then she would go talk to you. You where such a little punk ass, and I ate it all up. Hook, line, and sinker. I remember when you finally got your lip pierced, and how awesome you thought it was that your grandma took you to go get it done. God, you where so adorable. I admired your love for God. You showed me that religion was shit. That you didn’t have to follow someone else’s doctrine to get beyond those big, pearly gates. You made me reconsider everything about myself.
    I remember when Sam and I, (that Asian fucking skank) got you that  bra and candy for you when you played battle of the bands. We drew nipples and wrote funny stuff on the inside of it. That totally made your week. I remember how stoked you where to receive your first ladies undergarment at a show. You felt like a real rock star.
    Then the school year ended, and I moved back to Hazen. I kicked myself in the ass for never saying what I needed to say to you. Then I saw Kaylee, your cousin, at the North West Music Festival in Minot, the honor choir her and I both got into.  I decided to ask her for your contact information, and decided to hit you up on myspace. I left you my number on there, and you actually called. I was so jazzed. We talked for like 5 day, and then before I knew it, you and I became an ‘us’.  You came to see me. I remember Fridays always dragging on awaiting your arrival. In an instant we had this passion that could make any city burn to rubble in a matter of seconds.
    We spent so much time in your car. Emoing, (lulz) was our favorite pass time. We would drive around and listen to our songs and scream the at the top of out lungs while holding hands. Remember when you got a little too excited ( I wont mention why) and kicked in my window in the middle of winter in North Dakota?! Or how about “WHOA”. ( I will always take pride in that by the way. ) Then there is always the time you fell asleep in my bed, and my dad caught us. Mind you, we werent even doing anything. We each had our own blankets, we just fell asleep watching the Bastards of Young DVD. (That I still have).  I remember we got up super early the next day, and just spent the whole day driving around.
    Then when we got home, my Dad was in the living room polishing my grandpa’s new show gun, and he told us to sit down.  He told you that if you ever fell asleep in his daughters bed again, that you would wake up staring down the barrel of his shotgun. I laughed hysterically. You on the other hand wanted to get the hell out of there. I convinced you to stay a while longer before you had to go home. My Dad admired that you stuck around, by the way.
    That Christmas was by far my favorite ever. I got you  and MP3 player, a gold cross and chain, a bandanna, and a super sweet box. Your gift’s, however, totally showed mine up. You got me that dinosaur, and that little note book that you drew pictures in and wrote me super sweet things in. And you would add to it whenever you would come and visit. It was so great. Then the unexspected happened. You broke up with me. I was pretty crushed. I tried to give you your space, but after 5 days, I was just dying to hear your voice. So I called you, and we talked for a little while, and we got back together.
    That lasted about 3 weeks. When you went to Job Core, I was so scared that I wasn’t going to see you or hear from you. That, and I let my “friend” get into my head. Also a few other things that  wont  mention out of respect for you. Needless to say I broke it off. It didn’t take long for me to regret my decision. I missed you so much, not just my boyfriend, but my best friend, my partner in crime. The person I could tell everything to without hesitation. The person who’s arms I felt safest in. Most of all, the person who I loved more than anything. I tried to get you back, I wrote you letters and e-mails. I would have called you if I had a way to. But you had moved on.
    I remember when I saw you at the concert in Minot, and I lost it. I was so flooded with emotions. It killed me to see you happy without me. I honestly wanted to ruin you,  but most of all, I wanted you to take me in your arms and tell me that everything was going to be ok. But that never happened.  After that we talked a little bit, and kind of rebuilt a friendship. You found Krystal, got married, had a beautiful daughter. I got cancer, and everything fell apart for me. I needed you so much, but I knew I had to let you go.

    Fast forward to 2010. We had been talking for a while and it was great. I was so happy to be close to you again. We decided to give it another try. I was so happy. I had loved you for so long, and you where finally mine again. We started making plans. I was content for the first time in so long.  I had that part of me back that I had been desperately seeking for so long. Everything was going great.
    Then, without warning you decided to not contact me at all for 5 days besides one 4:36 second phone call, and like 3 texts where I asked you what you where doing, and you said you where super busy. You continued to tell me that you where so busy getting high and playing video games. Whatever. On the 5th day, I was a little concerned so I sent you a text saying that if you where over this then you could at least let me know. You didn’t respond. I was a little worried so I talked to my best friend about it, and he contacted you to see what was wrong. Then all of a sudden you finally decided to get a hold of me, to tell me that you where over this.
    Now I would love to know what I did that was so terrible. I loved you. Point blank, period, for years. I never forgot about you, and no one has ever been able to live up to you. I have tried calling you, texting you, and you don’t respond. I have always been there for you. When you would tell me that Krystal treated you like shit, and that she cheated on you, who would console you, and be there? Me. I have been so faithful to you. So fucking faithful. And you throw me out like I am yesterdays trash. Am I really that disposable?
    Can’t you understand the pain that I am feeling? I feel like the most important person in my life died. I have this gaping whole in my chest for the whole world to stare at.
    I am tired of crying my self to sleep. I am tired of feeling guilty over nothing. I guess I had high expectations from you. I realize now that you can’t live up to them. And the sad thing is. I still don’t give up on you. I would still take you back. Because you have my heart. But I have to draw a line. I can’t allow you to have this power over me. I don’t deserve this. I hope you read this, and gain some clarity. I know that no song lyrics, or clever writing can come close to what I want to say, but this is my best.